Keep Holding On
by Spookie-chan
Summary: XigLux Xigbar never did like the little kingdom of Tsubasa. Infact he thought that Tsubasa didn't like him either. No one cared if he died or lived. It sickened him to the point where he could just die. That is untill he came along...
1. Prolouge

Keep Holding On

Prologue

Xigbar stood on the balcony that over looked the kingdom of Tsubasa; his pure white angelic wings flutter behind him. He glared out at the kingdom. Everyone hated their so-called princess, which he was portrayed as, because of his wings. He hated them so, but now he almost forgot about them he was only reminded by the cruel expressions of hate upon everyone's faces. He looked down upon his scars on his arm. He was abused as a child not only because of his wings but also for being a male. His mother, the queen, wanted only girls, but his father, the king, wanted at least one boy. He got his wish, but his mother wasn't pleased at all. His father soon grew very ill and had to stay in bed all the time so he didn't get to see the cruel things Xigbar's mother and sisters did to him. The queen gave up. The only thing she could do was put him in a dress and give him a female name, Danielle. He despised the name and preferred they call him by the name his father gave him and that was rightfully his: Xigbar. But he was all but ignored and called by the retched name. He did have a feminine body but that didn't make it right just simply changing his gender. They couldn't change what he was. That's what made him hate this kingdom. "Hypocrites," he muttered "they name their kingdom _wings_ and they hate the very thing that they name their kingdom after." He gazed up into the clear blue sky and closed his eyes letting the breeze flow through his long hair. His wings stretched out behind him almost like he was going to fly away. "Danielle! What are you doing? Fold your wings and get in here now! Your piano teacher is here and you don't want to keep her waiting!" his mother barked. He did just that: Folded back up his wings and went inside. "And put up your hair! I don't know why you insist on leaving it down all the time!" she added leaving the room. Sighing he took a ribbon and tied up his hair then fixed his eye patch. "Hypocrites..." he muttered for the last time glaring into the mirror then left for the music room. "They're all hypocrites..."

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eh! so very short! well you get the idea. Dont worry though ive written quite a bit for chapter 1. hopfully itll be long enough. 

spookie-chan


	2. Chapter 1: The Visitor

YES! Finally I summitted chapter 1! I hope you all enjoy this story as much as i do. and be glad that i went to Japan for two weeks or this up to chapter 4 wouldn't be written. now all i have to do is type my heart out then write some more. I am on the fence about changing the rating for this fanfic. there is going to be a semi-gory part in this and some other small things. another thing: sorry but i do not have the will power to write a sex scene. trust me i've thought about it and i just can't write one. so you are just going to have to leave that up to your imagination. i warn you ahead of time. both xigbar and luxord may be OOC at times. please disregard i've put my heart and soul into this and i don't want it to go unnoticed. please enjoy! i hope to get chapter 2 and 3 up soon!

Xigbar and Luxord belong to Kingdom Hearts, not me.

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Chapter 1: The Visitor

Xigbar hit a key on the piano and shook his head listening to the instrument. "That's not the right note either!! Now how did that freaking song go again?!" he said angrily glaring at the keys. In the background he could hear one of his sisters lecturing a servant of hers.

"I told you lavender, not aqua! Uhh! My dress is ruined! Now what am I going to wear to my own birthday ball?" she wailed. The servant bowed her head in apology "I'm terribly sorry Miss Olivia. It won't happen again. This time I will get the correct color." She said bowing yet again. Olivia nodded and shoed her off; she had better things to do then to scold a servant. Xigbar rolled his eye's and tried again at the song. Then out of no where a flute started to play a sweet melody. Listening to the melody it quickly caught Xigbar's attention. "That's it!" he said recognizing the melody he tried to play. Hitting the right notes Xigbar played the melody matching the flute perfectly. The two soon became a duet, one playing the melody then the other.

Xigbar was so caught up in playing the melody he didn't notice a young man, about his age, step into the room from the balcony, playing the flute. His hair was blonde and cut short while a beard/mustache lay unshaven around his lips. As for what he was wearing, his clothes were much like the commoners, but much nicer.

The blonde stopped playing the flute to listen Xigbar play. Noticing the flute had stopped playing Xigbar stopped as well.

"You play the piano heavenly Princess Danielle, if that is your _real_ name." the blonde said making Xigbar jump out of his seat. Turning to glare at the intruder he felt hands on his wings; seeing that the blonde was having his way examining Xigbar's wings made him very angry. "What's the big idea barging into my music room and grabbing onto my wings like that?!" he said angrily glaring at the blonde. "Why curiosity, love." The blonde replied leaning in. Xigbar could feel his hot breath linger on his neck causing him to blush like crazy looking away. "And who, if I may ask, are you?" Xigbar asked pulling himself together and looking back at the blonde. He politely bowed "They call me The Gambler of Fate, love. Now what is your name?" he asked a smirk on his face. Xigbar grinned also "I know you. You are that gambler that always wins no matter what the challenge. And why should I tell you my name, you already know that." He said still grinning. The gambler put his hands on Xigbar's shoulders leaning over to whisper something in his ear. "Now what kind of parent names their son Danielle? I'm not blind like most of the kingdom is. I know you don't have _breasts_." Xigbar blushed wildly. "Y-you don't know that!" he snapped as the blonde started to massage his shoulders. "Try me I'm willing to find out." The gambler said sliding off the straps to Xigbar's dress standing up straight he continued to massage his neck and shoulders. Blushing Xigbar held his dress close to his chest making sure it did not fall. "Now what makes you…ah…think I'm that…mm…desperate?" He asked and the blonde just smiled and continued to massage Xigbar's neck and shoulders.

"You're really tense you know that?" He said and Xigbar blushed more "Well you are pretty good with your hands, Mr. Gambler of Fate."

"Please call me Luxord, Your Highness." The blonde said with another bow. Xigbar nodded then the two remained silent for quite sometime, both deep in their thoughts.

"Your wings are amazingly beautiful. I don't have a clue why people fear them and you for that matter. Mind if I stretch them out?" Luxord asked breaking the silence between them. Xigbar nodded thinking of what he just said. "Nobody has every called them beautiful before… I sure don't. Because of these damn things I have all these cuts and bruises on my body." He said grimly glaring at the floor. "You shouldn't think that. They are so beautiful. I've never seen something so beautiful in my life." Luxord said stretching them out and examining Xigbar's wings down to the last feather, being careful not to damage them.

The two remained in silence yet again. This time Xigbar spoke up. "A-are you going to Olivia's birthday ball this evening?" Luxord stopped messaging his neck and shoulders and removed his hands so Xigbar could fix his dress. "Hm? Oh yes the ball. I was thinking of attending but I wasn't quite sure if I should or not. Tell you what, if I go to the ball, when we see each other tonight, will you tell me your _real_ name?" the gambler said making his proposal. Thinking about it for a second Xigbar finally said, "You sure do know how to make a deal. …hmm… maybe I will, maybe I won't, it all depends how the night goes, Mr. Gambler of Fate."

"I will take that as a yes then." Luxord replied, then took Xigbar's hand and bent over to kiss it gently. "See you tonight then Miss Danielle."

Blushing Xigbar watched as the gambler disappeared out the balcony doors. He stood and ran over out onto the balcony to see where he went, but Luxord was no where to be seen. Giving up he looked on out into the distance to watch the clouds go by. With his wings swaying in the breeze he smiled.

….and for the second time in his life Xigbar was in love.

to be continued


	3. Chapter 2: The Ball

Spookie-chan here with another chapter typed and ready to be read! i hope you enjoy this. it's longer than the 1st chapter and i hope to type even longer ones in the future! ...one can only hope... i've decided to keep with the rating so i'll just warn you ahead of time before somthing gory or anything else happends. i'm actually really proud of this chapter. xigbar is acting like himself! or at least i think. i giggle everytime luxord says "bloody hell!" got to love the british in him. well enjoy!

xigbar and luxord belong to kingdom hearts, not me.

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Chapter 2: The Ball

Xigbar paced about his room rather impatiently. The ball was just about to start and he couldn't wait for it. After meeting and getting a massage from The Gambler of Fate, Xigbar felt a strange, warm familiar feeling inside. He felt this feeling before when he was just a child. Luxord was very much familiar, but he couldn't place where they had met before. He thought that once he met up with Luxord again he'd remember. Xigbar could only hope…

Suddenly, the doors to his room opened and his mother, the queen, came in. She examined him from head to toe, then giving him the same disapproving look she always gave him, walked out. "You may come to the ball Danielle, but I don't know why you insist on coming. _Nobody_ is going to want to dance with _you_." She said walking down the hall. Xigbar glared at his door "I know of one person who _would_ like to dance with me, _mother_." He muttered under his breath while walking out of his room.

Once Xigbar walked to the stairs that lead into the humongous ball room he immediately spotted Luxord out of the crowd of people. Smiling, Xigbar quickly walked down the stairs. Not really paying attention to them he tripped and fell on the fourth to the last step. Falling to the floor with a loud _thud!_ everyone noticed him even Luxord. Sitting up on the marble floor he was quick to notice a lot of pain in his right ankle. Hearing laughing Xigbar looked up into the tons of laughing faces of the many guests. Blushing he felt more, unbearable pain in his ankle now. Xigbar held on to it tightly and looked up calling for someone to help him. Then everyone turned and went back to what they were originally doing ignoring his pleas for help. Few continued to laugh at him others mocked him and shook their heads. "Yeah like anyone will help _her_." One said. "She's just faking it." Another said. Tears rolled down his cheeks. _No one is coming to help you Xigbar, you're better off dead._ He thought to himself the pain becoming even more unbearable by the second.

A warm hand pressed against his face, wiping the tears away. "You sprained your ankle pretty bad, huh love?" Xigbar looked up to see Luxord's smiling face. "Here, let me take you back to your room so I can take a better look at it." He said kindly picking up Xigbar in his arms and carrying him back up the stairs to his room.

In no time, both Xigbar and Luxord arrived safely in his room. Luxord carefully placed Xigbar on his bed and sat down at the end of the bed to examine the damage. He, without warning, lifted Xigbar's dress only to have it pulled back down by a very flustered prince.

"I wasn't going to look. My father is a doctor for the royal knights and I'm his assistant. I should he able to help. You just have to trust me." He said acting very mature and as kindly as possible. "No, no I'm fine! See—AH!" Xigbar yelled as he tried to stand, but ended up falling. Luxord caught him just in time and helped him back onto the bed. "Obviously your not. I do believe you have a broken ankle. I can fix you up in a flash. Just stay there a minute." And with that the gambler left out the balcony without another word. Xigbar sighed unable to remember anything from his past. _That's right I locked those memories away because they were too painful. Now if only I could remember Luxord…_ he thought as he waited for Luxord's return. He soon fell off into a deep sleep only to reawaken about an hour and a half later.

"L-Luxord?" Xigbar stuttered looking around the room. Luxord was examining his wings again. "Hmm? Oh you are finally awake. Did you sleep well? I tried to not disturb you while I was fixing up your broken ankle. I also gave you some pain killers so it shouldn't hurt when you walk. Just try not to run anytime soon." He explained. Xigbar moved his broken ankle around and was surprised it felt just as it did when he got up this morning. "Wow that's amazing I didn't feel a thing!" he exclaimed and Luxord stood and walked in front of him offering his hand. "I believe you owe me an explanation. And we didn't get to have our dance." He said in a very mature tone of voice. It made Xigbar blush and he look his hand and frowned. "I guess I do then." he said standing up.

This was the first time Xigbar ever got asked to dance and he enjoyed it. The two danced gracefully around Xigbar's room, enjoying the time they had in each others arms. "So Princess Danielle, what is your real name?" Luxord asked at last, slowing down a little. Xigbar paused for a second "Xigbar." He said finally almost in a whisper. "What a nice name for a nice young man such as yourself" the gambler commented making Xigbar blush and pout. "So you don't find it odd for a young man like me to be dressing like a young woman, acting like a young woman, and being treated like a young woman?" the prince asked.

"Yes I do, but I'm not inquiring that you have to tell me that reason. I may be curious but I know my limits." The gambler replied. "There is one question I'd like to ask you though."

"And what is that?" Xigbar insisted.

"Do you ever want to know how it feels to be a real _prince_ instead of being a _princess_ all the time?" Luxord asked and they both stopped dancing.

Xigbar thought about it for a moment. "Yes I guess I would like to know how it feels to be a prince for a change."

"Then why won't you take that up with your mother?"

Xigbar let go of him and turned away holding his arms tightly to his chest. "Be--…because…I don't think I would…_live_ through that discussion." He said at last.

The gambler put his hands on his shoulders then pulled him into a tight embrace.

"I'm sorry I'll stop with the questions. Would you like another massage?" Luxord asked kindly and Xigbar kindly accepted the offer.

Xigbar was lying on his stomach on his bed with his dress pulled down to his waist and Luxord uncomfortably on top of him giving him another massage. "Tell me again why you have to be sitting on my ass for you to massage my back?" the prince said annoyed and blushing out of control. "Because it's the only way I can, love." The gambler replied.

"Then _why_ do you have no shirt on?!"

"Because it's hot in here, love, so cool it."

Xigbar let out a long irritated sigh. Then Luxord pulled out his hair tie that was keeping his hair up. "Excuse me, but why are you taking out my hair tie?" Xigbar asked still pretty annoyed. "Because I can, love, and I thought I asked too many questions." The gambler said enjoying himself.

"Well you aren't the one who's feeling _very_ uncomfortable right now." The prince added blushing still. Luxord laughed and continued. Pretty soon Xigbar fell right off to sleep.

Xigbar opened his eyes to a pitch black room. Luxord had stopped massaging his back and he had gotten off of him completely. Sitting up the first thing he noticed was he had nothing on but a towel around his waist. Blushing so bad he could have fainted right then the prince quickly got under the sheets of his bed. "Well someone is a little jumpy." Luxord said sitting in a chair next to the bed. Xigbar getting ready to throw a royal fit glared at him. "You _think_? You took my clothes off you damn pervert!!" he yelled slapping him. "Ow! What the bloody hell was that for? I didn't _see_ anything so cool it! I was just making you more comfortable! It's so bloody hot in the summer." Luxord explained raising his voice a bit. Xigbar getting angrier, got ready to slap him again when the gambler grabbed his hand and leaned in "God you don't know how long I've been waiting to do this" he whispered before pressing his lips against Xigbar's. At first he resisted, but he realized how familiar the kiss felt.

Then dozens of locked away memories flooded back into existence and it took Xigbar a minute to recover, after he looked back at Luxord and smiled then kissed him again. "Thank you! And I remember you now! You're the doctor's son who helped me when I lost my right eye when I was little! It is all coming back to me now! Even the memories of when you gave me my first kiss the day you and your dad left for the war." He exclaimed looking at Luxord now with tears in his eyes

"You were my first love…"

To be continued


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